There Went The Big One Pt. 1

There's always that feeling. 

You know, after a big church conference or something. 

That feeling you get when you pull out of the hotel, wave that last goodbye to your friends, and begin the countdown to when you can text that one girl whose number you got, but have to wait a bit so she doesn't think you're desperate. 

You know that feeling. 

It was good! You couldn't imagine how it could have been better, the preaching was amazing, the fellowship fantastic....but....

It's done. It's over.

The apex has passed and is coming to an abrupt diminuendo. 

You weren't through! You were just getting started and it all ended too quickly. 

But just imagine with me, that instead of the long lonely car ride home, that suddenly you pull around the corner and there, right in the middle of the road, stood a giant tent complete with tables, food, and all of those friends you were already starting to miss. 

You jump out of the car and run over to them, "I thought it was all over??!!"

No, they reassure you. There is going to be one more service, and one more time for everyone to bond over a meal.

You smile to yourself, cause you weren't quite ready for it to be over.

That my friends, was exactly how it felt when the wedding was over.

The knot had been tied, the broom jumped over, but there was still one more activity on the agenda.

The reception: where family and friends come close.

The reception was starting to fill up as Mr. and Mrs. Samuel Avendano dismissed each row.

When the crowd was least expecting it, my Uncle's voice boomed from the corner.

"......Blah.....blah.....blah.......And last but not least, Mr. and Mrs. Samuel Avendano!!!"

They look kinda happy.

In between being randomly forced to smooch, they began the wedding tradition of cutting the cake, and feeding each other a piece. 

No messes, no furious groom. 

If my future wife is reading this blog post, I propose a truce. 

You don't smash it in my face and I won't smash it in yours.

But you go first just in case :)





I end this post on a somewhat gruesome note.

I found myself wandering into the kitchen and I wasn't prepared for what I came upon.

The wedding cake, that had been alive and thriving in one piece just moments before,

HAD BEEN DECAPITATED AND MY COUSIN WAS FEASTING UPON THE DEAD CORPSE
 IN A DREADFUL ACT OF OUTRIGHT CANNIBALISM.


*************Warning for those with smaller children and/or weak constitutions*************

He tried to get me to eat some, but I just couldn't.





THEN THEY STARTED CUTTING IT UP AND HARVESTING BODY PARTS.


This wedding really needs an ethical investigation. That's why I'm here, giving you the inside scoop on what you thought went on at an Avendano wedding.

Until next time.

Au Revoir.

Here Comes The Big One Pt. 9

As Claire took the microphone, the unicorns and butterflies began to float gracefully off the platform,  swirling around the room in wider and wider circles, only stopping when she sang the final line....

"Together at last, 

Together forever.

We're tying the knot, 

We never can sever.

I don't need sunshine now, 

To turn my skies to blue.

I don't need anything but you."

"Dear family and guests, we are gathered here today in the sight of God, to join this man and this woman, in holy matrimony. 

 Not to be entered into lightly, holy matrimony should be entered into solemnly, with reverence and honor. 

Into this holy agreement, these two persons come together to be joined.

Marriage is a sacred union between husband and wife, and shall remain unbroken."

*******************************

ALERT LADIES.

I want to interrupt here long enough for you to go grab your Bibles and a highlighter, and turn to the book of Ephesians.

Bishop, while making his opening remarks to Sam and Vanessa, read a small portion of scripture that I find very important and would like to impact this next generation of women with it. 

Alright. Ephesians 5, verses  22-23.

Follow along with me ladies, as Bishop reads.

"Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body."

Ahhhhh that Apostle Paul. What a card. 

Good stuff. 

Underline those verses ladies. 

You'll need them for a quick reference one day when your husband brings home an injured possum he found on the side of the road and wants to keep it in the garage to nurse it back to health. 

If you have any more interest in training on the subject, my brother Caleb is writing a book called
"Women. Their Rightful Place In The Home."

Anyways. 

By this point in the introduction, everyone looked like they were about to start crying so Caleb and I head over to the piano where mics could be found and started our song, during which I was certain that one of us would flub up and provide much needed light-hearted entertainment. 

My fingers and Caleb's voice; our humble tribute to Sam and Vanessa.


Pastor and Bishop administered the pledges and then had them kneel for the prayer.





I  was all ready for them to start smooching but then I remembered that they had to light the unity candle.

From all the horror stories that Bishop had been telling us at the rehearsal dinner, I fully expected something here to go spectacularly wrong.

And plus.....my back was starting to hurt. I need a good swatch of carpet on fire to stamp out, to stretch my muscles.


Sarah Burton sang "These Are The Special Times", as Sam and Vanessa made their way over to set something on fire to symbolize unity.

Don't ask me why. Doesn't make sense to me either.

Its like burning down a forest to celebrate Smoky the Bear's birthday.

*shrug*

Tradition.















Time is funny.

I have said "It was time" or a variation similar to that, several times during the course of this 9 piece wedding conglomeration of posts.

It was time to start the rehearsal dinner, time to get in place for the wedding to start, time to listen to Bishop's advice.

It was time. It had been time. But it was time again. Not just another time. Not just anytime.

Can I drive this point home any more?

IT WAS TIME. 

GATHER AROUND, MOTHERS, FATHERS, SISTERS AND BROTHERS.

GRANDMAS AND GRANDPA, FRIENDS, NEIGHBORS AND ENEMIES.

CAESAR, SOCRATES, PATTON AND REGAN. 

PETER, PAUL, AND MARY. 

PUCKERRRRRRRR UP. 


These words will forever echo in infamy.

I quote.

Just as it was on that wedding day, give I now to you.




"For as much as Vanessa and Sam have consented together in holy wedlock, and have witnessed the same before God and this company, and have hereto given and pledged their love to each other, I pronounce that they are husband and wife in the Name of Jesus Christ. 
What God has joined together, never let man put asunder. 

Sam, you may kiss your bride."


POW.

It all happened so fast, first the kiss and then Sam spun around and moved in for a round of high-fives from his groomsmen, with a look of utter triumph on his face.





Bro. White let loose with "I've Got The World On A String"

The newly married couple moved from side to side, embracing the family members from either side of the aisle.

The bridal party claimed their partners and we walked into the foyer, following Sam and Vanessa's lead.


It was here in the foyer that yet again that something monumental happened.

While on our way back into the chapel to wait while the couple greeted and dismissed every row, I stopped short to request a picture of just one more kiss.

It was there that I took my favorite pose of the entire day.




 It even deserved a Trump Thumb.